One of the things most grief counsellors or experts will tell you is that two things in your life will take an enormous hit when your spouse dies:
1. Your focus
2. Your self esteem
Well I am living, breathing proof of both.
I am trying desperately to finish up the accounting courses I am taking right now so I can have my Accounting Certificate by Christmas (Craig would be so proud I FINALLY finished after almost 4 years).
Classes end with finals on Saturday.
Now I used to be a good student. 4.0 GPA. Obsessive compulsive about homework. Best in class (side note: I had an instructor in college who stamped the papers of the top 3 students in her class on each assignment... I don't think I need to tell you how fanatical I was about this).
Not so much.
It takes me twice as long to learn half as much. My focus has gone out the window (I am taking my umpteenth study break of the day to write this... oh look shiny keys!) and I simply cannot seem to retain what I read anymore. It's hopeless.
And of course this leads to the second problem: self-esteem takes a nose dive.
School was the one thing I was good at. Sports - I'm too clumsy. Singing - couldn't carry a tune to save my life. Home repairs - I'm more likely to hit myself with a hammer than any nail.
School was kind of my one thing.
And now I don't even have that.
I feel smart... s-m-r-t.
Can I put this on the list of things from my Before Life that I would like to have back? I feel it's only fair.
And then I'll never ask for anything again.