One of Those Days

Ever have one of those days where everything just sort of seems to come crashing in on you, where you can see your whole life played out before you, where you know the ending long before it happens?

I'm having one of those days.

Well.

Technically it's been 2 days.

The phrase that keeps coming to mind for me is, 'It's just not fair.' Because it's not.

Nothing is.

It's not fair that Craig died. That someone else was dumb and Craig and I, of all people, paid the price.

It's not fair that we were good people, worked hard, paid our taxes and still had to suffer so much.

It's not fair that we didn't get to have kids of our own, that Craig's neices and nephews will never remember him, that he will be forgotten so much sooner than he should have been.

It's not fair that I know so many jerks who took his death as an opportunity to take out their frustration on me, to berate me, to judge me, to show off how stupid they could be.

It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair.

I sound like a three year old having a temper tantrum in the candy aisle. Maybe I should be.

Some people in life really do seem to get it all... perfect house, perfect kids, perfect life. And then there are the people like me. My life is one big tragedy. If Craig's death is the climax, what does that mean for the remainder of my life?

It sucks.

I want off this ride now please.

I just want a normal life with normal people in it. Is that so much to ask for?