From Alice in Wonderland:
The Mad Hatter: "You're not the same as you were before. You were much more... 'muchier'. You've lost your 'muchness'."
My muchness. My essence. My me.
In losing Craig I lost my muchness.
Every day I have felt it missing. My sparkle, my energy, my happiness. The things that make me laugh, the things I love, the things that give me hope - they are as invisible as I am now.
But today, for the first time in 10 weeks, I felt a tiny glimmer of my old self.
I woke up and smiled.
I remembered there are still good things in the world.
I thought, maybe, just maybe, one day a long, long time from now, I can be happy again.
There is still hope. However frail and small, it is there, winking at me.
I am reclaiming my muchness.
One little piece at a time.