Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Dear Craig

Ah, Craiggie.

You would be so proud of me.

I'm surviving.

Cleaned out the office. What a freaking mess in there. I knew you would just be grumbling about that one. After all your hard work, I was just chucking stuff in there, ruining your filing system and messing up your piles.

The car is still in working order. I took it to get a tune-up and have yet to forget to fill 'er up, even without you doing it for me Sunday nights. Yes, she needs a new windshield, but in all fairness, that was because of YOUR family reunion so technically, that one is your fault... ha ha.

I have been taking such good care of the house. It is relatively clean. Just don't look at the bathroom. I fixed the drain! All by myself! And it was so easy. And to think, all these years you were unclogging it for me and I could have just done it so easily... Oops. And did you see the new blinds? We were meaning to do that one forever. They look so great. And now I can finally sleep in our room without the sunlight burning my retinas at 4am. And the carpet is finally fixed. Dad was great, no? He totally stepped up. Just like you said he would.

And I've been walking. I know, I know, where was that when you were here? I hated it so much. And now I love it. Just walking and listening to your music. Makes me feel like you are walking with me. I really should have gone with you more. I just didn't know you'd be gone and I'd miss that so much.

I'm back to sleep! Finally, finally, FINALLY. After all this time, I can actually get 8hrs. It feels so good. I'm much less loopy. No more tornado mood swings. Well. They are still here, just less... tornado-y. Ah sleep. My old friend.

And did you see the baby? She's such a doll. Wish we had made it there. But it's ok that we didn't. I'll get there still. It was always more my dream than yours. And I know you still want that for me too.

I checked out Radium but couldn't find just the right spot. The place I was planning isn't any good. I know, I know, you said Hawaii. But did you see the Eternal Reefs? And in Victoria! You did promise you'd go with me. Told you we'd end up there eventually! I know you'll love it.

But I better run, I've got a million errands to do. That long hair you love so much is starting to look scruffy and it needs some cutting.

I miss you, Buddy.

Love you,



  1. Aww!! This made it seem like Craig is still with us. *tears*


    P.S. I love you and I am proud of you and everything you have accomplished--all the little things--really hard things and all of the thing you and Craig both intended to do. You are a fighter Sis and I hope that never changes. :)

  2. Emily - I so appreciate what you share here! Know that you're not forgotten and are prayed for regularly. When I can't sleep I often wonder if it's also your time of wakefulness... and pray. This last post sounds wonderful!! I know there will continue to be good and not-so-good days but hang on to the good, remember how it feels and you will someday figure out this 'new normal'.
    As for the previous 'failing grade' post - don't be so hard on yourself. It sounds like you're doing a more than passable job of moving ahead. Try not to let little setbacks get you down. You've come so far.

  3. Thanks, Brenda! You are such a wonderful 'cheerleader' on my down days. :)