How could you, Craig?
How could you leave me so utterly alone?
All those years together, everything we went through, everything I sacrificed for you... and you never had anything good to say about me?
Did you even love me at all?
Why does it feel like you didn't?
I was a good wife, dammit. A very good wife. I supported you financially for 4 years, I put you through school, I made it possible for you to do what you wanted to do. I cooked, I cleaned, I listened. When you had nobody else, for years and years, I was there. Always there. I forgave so much. So much. More than anyone should ever have to. More than most people EVER would.
I loved you so much. And even though there were times when you frustrated and angered me, it was always tempered with my love for you. For any negative thing I had to say, I could easily follow with something I loved about you.
But not you.
Apparently you only had hurtful things to say about me.
So now how am I supposed to believe that you ever loved me at all?
You certainly are not here to say it.
Why am I hurting so much for someone who would have so easily forgotten me?
All I can say is that now you are in a storm of emotions. Now you doubt everything even who you are. Try not to doubt that which you knew.
ReplyDeleteYou knew that he loved you. You will hear and discover all kinds of things. You can either choose to be lost in the storm or you can choose to believe what your heart told you was the truth. No one can take that away from you, not even him!
You are suffering through one of the worst of the valleys you will encounter through this horrible journey. I believe that Craig loved you and I am sure he did think of you and his love for you in his last minutes. Hang in there somehow and I will remember you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteJust as you said in an earlier post, he left notes of love all over for you, and you kept them as a reminder. For moments like these. This too shall pass and you`ll remember the love again. Eventually, I believe, that`s all you`ll remember - how much he loved you, cared for you and protected you.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that I am so sorry you are in the midst of such a roller coaster of emotions. No one can truly understand what you are feeling or why you are feeling the way you are, but I hope these feelings pass and you can once again feel the love, know the love, believe in the love you had.
ReplyDeleteJ*&$ needs to FUCK OFF!
ReplyDeleteDon't listen to his shit, he is spiteful and wants to hurt you because he can't deal with his own emotions over the loss of Craig.
Craig loved you. I see it every time I walk past your wedding picture!
Love you! -K