Say Craig To Me

It pains me so much when others do not want to talk about Craig or grow uncomfortable when his name is mentioned, turning away. I have already seen his photograph being taken off the walls in the homes of family members. Do they not know how much this hurts me?

He is not a dark secret to be swept under the rug or a bitterly divorced spouse. He was my perfect and true husband, the richest part of my life's history, a permanent fixture branded to my very soul. Please do not pretend he never happened. There is no shame in remembering him.

SAY CRAIG

The time of concern is over. No longer am I asked how I am doing.
Never is the name of my partner mentioned to me. A curtain descends.
The moment has passed. A life slips from frequent recall.
There are exceptions … close and comforting friends, the occaisional sensitive family member.
For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.
But for me, the play will never end. The effects are timeless.

Say Craig to me.

On the stage of my life, he has been both lead and supporting actor.
Do not tiptoe around the greatest event of my life. Love does not die.
His name is written on my life. The sound of his voice replays within my mind.
You feel he is dead. I feel he is of the dead but still lives.
You say he was my partner. I say he always will be.

Say Craig to me and say Craig again.

It hurts to bury his memory in silence.
What he was in the flesh has now turned to ash.
What he is in spirit, stirs within me always.
He is of my past, but he is part of my present. He is my hope for the future.
You say not to remind me. How little you understand that I cannot forget.
I would not if I could.
I forgive you, because you cannot know.
I strive not to judge you, for yesterday I was like you.

Say Craig to me and say Craig again.

I do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy.
I walk it not by choice. I would rather walk it with him in the flesh.
I am what I have to be. What I have lost you cannot feel. What I have gained you cannot see.

Say Craig, for he is alive in me.

He and I will meet again, though in many ways we have never parted.
He and his life play light songs on my mind, sunrises and sunsets on my dreams.
He is real and he is shadow. My shadow.
He was and he is.
He is my partner and I love him as I always did.
Though I may find new loves and a new future, he will forever be a part of me, branded on my soul.
He will never stop being me.

Say Craig to me and say Craig again.


(This poem was rephrased and based on the book “Saying Olin to Goodbye” by Donald Hackett.)